Blogs

Monday 17th March 2008
Today a bee was seen, quickly flying in between,
two big red beautiful butterflies.
With a loud buzz, it was speeding by because,
it wanted to be master of the skies.

A bee of strength and power, visiting every flower,
and then producing a treasure of pure gold.
More valuable than money, sticky, golden honey,
it has magical healing powers, I've been told.

---

Tuesday 18th March 2008
Have you seen, all the leaves turning green,
and the grass growing like new hair,
frogs are leaping high, at last blue in the sky,
and the fresh smell of Spring in the air.

Worms are wriggling, geese constantly giggling,
and ducks are diving into the rivers,
Fresh plants in terracotta, it's getting much hotter,
no more colds, flu or winter shivers.

---

Wednesday 19th March 2008
Later on today in the Cotswold Café,
they will serve a selection of free teas,
So between one and three, it's all free,
so you can drink as much as you please.

There's tea from Ceylon, which will soon be gone,
it's popular with everyone in the Vale,
There's tea from Alaska, the state of Nebraska,
and all of these teas are also on sale.

---

Thursday 20th March 2008
The Cotswold Café was packed, and in fact,
they had to turn people away,
So if you were unable, to get yourself a table,
they are having the same today.

Hip hip hooray, Cheddar village has a birthday,
today, it's exactly 500 years old.
Discovered in 1508 by William Wombat the Great,
know for being courageous and bold.

---

Friday 21st march 2008
There are queues on the C14, the longest I've ever seen,
a van has collided with a bike.
Metal twisted and bent, luckily not a very serious accident,
the rider was Mozzarella Mike.

Mike avoided a head on collision, by taking the decision,
to slide his bike under the van.
He has the odd cut and bruise, which is very good news,
he is a lucky and fortunate man.

Monday 10^th March 2008
On Friday night, the sinking boat was set alight,
and burnt for most of Saturday.
The fumes and smoke made many people choke,
but this action saved the day.

By Sunday at 3, they'd cleared all the debris,
and the ship had completely disappeared.
The sea was clean, not a drop of oil to be seen,
and it was not as bad as people had feared.

---

Tuesday 11th March 2008
Today in the vale, it's blowing a strong gale,
and houses are being destroyed.
The forecast was incorrect, houses are wrecked,
and people are very annoyed.

It's gale force ten, people can't remember when,
the wind was blowing so strong,
Yesterday they were correct, it turned out perfect,
but today they got it very wrong.

---

Wednesday 12th March 2008
Out for a stroll, they went down a pot hole,
and now they're stuck in a cave.
I hope they're ok, rescuers are on their way,
they need to be strong and brave.

They're old rock and rollers, experienced pot-holers,
and luckily know what they're doing.
I'm sure they'll be fine, but there isn't much time,
because bad weather to the North is brewing.

---

Thursday 13th March 2008
The pot holers are ok, they escaped late yesterday,
and are in hospital sleeping and resting.
They have to go to x-ray, and then later on today,
they'll have further check-ups and testing.

They've had quite an ordeal, need a good hot meal,
and must get warm and dry.
Their energy is sapped, how did they get trapped,
we need to understand why.

---

Friday 14th March 2008

An update on the Pot Holers
They've seen a Priest, have all been released,
but are exhausted and suffering from shock.
So all personal interviews and any further news,
is banned by a total broadcasting block.

Many can't wait, to meet and congratulate,
wishing them all to get better.
But please don't phone, or go to their home,
send it by card or via letter.

Monday 3rd March 2008
This weekend, people are on the mend,
most of the crew are feeling better.
As for me, my flu's ancient history,
so I can take off this thick woolly sweater.

Many in the Vale are looking quite pale,
and the flu is spreading quickly.
Long Doctor's queues, people blowing a fuse,
hundreds and hundreds are sickly.

---

Tuesday 4th March 2008
It's Tuesday and a bit of a good news day,
because the flu is slowly disappearing,
The medicines soothing, people are improving,
it's not as bad as people were fearing.

Traffic is berserk, as people go back to work,
and cars are jammed nose to tail,
If you travel by bus, it's slightly less fuss,
but the best way to travel is by rail.

---

Wednesday 5th March 2008
The calm after the storm, it's all back to norm,
and nobody is coughing or sneezing.
No more bugs, chemists have no drugs,
and doctors are free which is pleasing.

Easter preparations in Roquefort
Running with tied legs, searching for eggs,
people are getting things ready.
In the afternoon, with an egg in your spoon,
you run whilst keeping it steady.

---

Thursday 6th March 2008
It's much lighter at night, the suns getting bright,
and people are wearing colourful clothes.
Plants are now growing, farmers are sowing,
when does Spring start, who knows!

A potential oil spill
There's a small oil spill off the coast, 50,000 litres at the most,
but it's heading for the land.
The boat's groaning and creaking, its black cargo is leaking,
and may end up on the sand.

I don't understand, these ships have been banned,
and are not allowed to sail around here.
But the law has been ignored, oil was on board ,
and hundreds of birds may be dead, I fear.

---

Friday 7th March 2008
They've cleaned the beaches with no chemicals or bleaches,
and not one single bird has died.
They must repair the boat, to keep it afloat,
because it's leaning very badly to one side.

The oils leaking much faster, so to avoid disaster,
they have to repair it by the morning.
If it continues to spread, they'll burn it instead,
and issue a fume and smoke warning.

Monday 25th February 2008
Don't be surprised, Spring has arrived,
and the plants are beginning to flower.
You still need a sweater, people feel better,
and everyone's got more energy and power.

People are out walking, feel more like talking,
and everyone's much happier and they smile.
People are out and about, sing and shout,
and are happy walking for mile after mile

---

Tuesday 26th February 2008

An eclipse of the moon
I have a few tips if you want to see the eclipse,
turning off all lights seems to work best.
Looking through your telescope, don't give up hope,
point it in the direction of North by North West.

Fine weather in the Vale,
It'll be 14 degrees, with a very light breeze,
and sunny for most of the afternoon.
Then at about 7, pouring down from heaven,
it'll rain like in a tropical monsoon.

---

Wednesday 27th February 2008
Problems on the trains
The 8.38 is going to be late,
we're not sure why the delay,
All we know is that it's traveling slow,
and it'll be like this all day.

Yesterday's rains have caused problems with the trains,
they're damp all the way through,
The electrics are sparking, especially when parking,
and they're not sure what they can do.

---

Thursday 28th February 2008
You need to be aware, that we'll be off the air,
until early some time next week.

Our reporters are unwell, under the flu spell,
and are in bed unable to speak. 

We’ll give you a full update in a very short while,
If have to rest now, a 1 metre walk feels like a mile.

---

Friday 29th February 2008
I have a sweat, my clothes are all wet,
and I feel like I'm going to die.
I'm shaking, shivering, my bodies quivering,
and all my clothes need to dry.

The rest of the news crew, also have flu,
some of them are worse than me.
Asleep in their beds, resting their heads,
when they'll be back we'll see.

Monday 18th February 2008
This week Cantal is singing on TV,
and tickets are being given away free.

This is the break she needs, she's been waiting for years,
so get down and support her and give her your cheers.

She'll be singing different songs about life, love and living,
about people who are taking and about people who like giving.

---

Tuesday 19th February 2008
Today sees the launch of the first basketball team in Wensleydale Vale.
Sponsored by the Duke of Roquefort they are called The Roquefort Rockets.

The Roquefort Rockets are fit and very fast,
quick on their feet and difficult to get past.

Just like Gazelles they are difficult to get by,
and like Kangaroos they can jump very high.

Fierce like lions they are also cunning like a fox,
be very careful when they're in your penalty box.

Graceful like an Eagle with eyes like a Hawk,
suddenly they'll dart after standing like a Stork.
They navigate like a bat just knowing where to go,
basketball tactics, there's nothing they don't know!

---

Wednesday 20th February 2008
Around the Vale, green is starting to appear,
wishful thinking, but maybe Spring is here.

It's also a little warmer with less chill in the air,
yesterday I saw butterfly, in February this is rare.

---

Thursday 21st February 2008
We've had reports of people laying in the sun,
it's only 10 degrees and summer's not begun.

People wearing shorts, t shirts and even bare feet.
Are people made, last week we had snow and sleet

---

Friday 22^nd February 2008
Today the Roquefort Rockets are playing their first basketball game.
This is their chosen cheerleader song.

Come on, come on, our team can win,
move around and do your funky thing.
Duck and dive, give that ball some spin,
dash through the centre or run up the wing.

Monday 11^th February 2008
There is a boat, that may not stay afloat,
off the coast of Wensleydale ,
heading for the docks, it hit the rocks,
and unfortunately can no longer sail.

What we know, is that it's carrying cargo,
that's toxic and very corrosive,
the ship's record, lists fireworks aboard,
very unstable and extremely explosive.

The ship's run aground, on Salty Seas sound,
and is leaning heavily to one side,
this dangerous load, needs to be toed,
but this will have to wait for high tide!

---

Tuesday 12th February 2008
There's a high tide later today,
the boat may be towed it away,
and taken to the Port for repairs.

But it will be ages before we see,
her sailing once again on the sea,
as there's a big shortage of spares.

So she'll spend her time in dry dock,
counting the seconds off the clock,
waiting impatiently to sail again.

They have to repair all her leaks,
it'll take them at least 4 weeks,
as long as it's fine and doesn't rain.

---

Wednesday 13^th February 2008
The sinking boat gets towed
Last night, the tide was just right,
so the boat was towed to Port Salute.
There she'll stay and later on today,
parts will be ordered sent on route.

Weather updates
The ice is very black, winter has come back,
and people have been caught by surprise.
Thinking Spring was here, they packed their winter gear,
because temperatures had started to rise.

But winter has come back, so they have to unpack,
and dig out their scarves and warm clothes.
Wearing skates, skis and warm clothes so they don’t freeze
how long it will last, well nobody knows.

---

Thursday 14th February 2008
Today, today, is valentine's day,
so celebrate love and romance.
Over a meal, express how you feel,
you may not get a second chance.

A ring, a red rose, some will propose,
you can express your love in many a way.
A big rock, a rhyme, that will do fine,
It's not what you do, it's what you say.

---

Friday 15^th February 2008
Last night in the Vale, love was in the air,
romance and passion were seen everywhere.

Many people had very important things to tell,
in the Cotswolds Café across to the Stilton Hotel.

People impressed, beautifully dressed,
enjoying a wonderful Valentines meal.
Lovers stressed, words to be expressed,
getting ready to explain how they feel.

Romance, a close sensual dance,
looking into each another's eyes.
Valentine, please will you be mine,
I know this may come as a surprise.

Monday 4^th February 2008
This weekend there were problems with the Vale's satellite,
but engineers have been working on it so now it seems alright.

And on Sunday in Cheddar village there was no electrical power,
resulting in lots and lots of Cheese People unable to bath or shower.

And with no electricity there was no light to read a book,
and for people with electric ovens it was impossible to cook.

People were walking around in pyjamas, bare feet, slippers and sandles,
searching every place they could for a match, a torch or candles.

Now power is working perfectly in the Vale, so everything is fine,
and if you have to go to work today there's no excuse not to be on time.

---

Tuesday 5^th February 2008
Today there’s rally driving, through the forest trails,
it’s a very tough race, a very quick pace,
it’s even tougher than the course in North Wales.

There are long sharp bends, at over 180 degrees,
there are muddy bogs and very big logs
oh, and watch out for the mysterious trees!

It's tough, it's rough and it's very dangerous driving event,
bumbs, big humps, you'll get more than a scratch or a dent.

You need solid brakes, can make no mistakes,
and need nerves that are made of steel.

There's no room for error, no place for terror,
and both hand should grip the steering wheel.

---

Wednesday 6th February 2008
In the rally driving event, there's only been one accident and luckily nobody was hurt,
the car that was last, started driving very fast and then suddenly skidded off the dirt.

The driver lost control, the car started to roll and ended up in a ditch, upside down,
they started to worry and so got out in a hurry, afraid that maybe they'd drown.

But they'll live another day, both are ok, there's just damage to the car and their pride,
They're both slightly bruised and a little confused but grateful that neither of them died.

---

Thursday 7th February 2008
The local border patrol, are there to control, suspicious people trying to get into the Vale,
and last night they discovered and think they've uncovered, a plan to smuggle people in by rail.

They're interviewing two, who were trying to get through, a fence in the West of the Vale.
They're trying to understand exactly what was planned and why they had maps in such detail.

---

Friday 8th February 2008

They're nice chaps, ok they had detailed maps
but spotting trains is how they spend their time,
they were planning a weekend away, that's what they say,
and everything checks out and is fine.

This weekend there's a karate competition at Gruyere Girls School.
An amazing skill, to watch is a thrill,
the speed of their moves is like lightening,
they chop, they kick, they're ever so quick,
and to fight them would be ever so frightening.

Monday 28th January 2008
The winter ball was a great event,
over two hundred 'Cheasies' went,
and everyone had a wonderful time.
The party continued until 6 a.m,
dancing, singing and lots of mayhem,
serving the very best food and wine.

Every year is better than the last,
and it comes around ever so fast,
days into weeks, months and a year.
The people attending are a lit bit older,
the dancing more interesting and bolder,
as it gets later, people lose their fear!

---

Tuesday 29th January 2008
This week in Wensleydale Vale,
thirty six tall ships will set sail
out of Port Salute and the Salty Seas.
As they sail towards the United States,
not quite sure what adventure awaits
Captains pray for wind, not just a breeze.

To win they need wind, constant and strong,
without it they'll drift, then things can go wrong,
they also need luck and a very good tide.
They need a good crew that can handle the boat,
an experienced mate who can keep it afloat,
and small waves that won't crash over the side.

---

Wednesday 30^th January 2008
The race has started, but only 35 departed,
because one of the ships sunk in the port.
The mast broke in two, nothing they could do,
so they decided that they had to abort.

Just 35 in the race, number 7 setting the pace,
the owners arrived in an unmarked black van.
We’re not sure who they are, could be a rockstar,
we know the boat’s registered in the Isle of Man,

A mysterious Captain and a boat with no name,
to keep out of the limelight, to avoid all the fame?

It's well out in front, other boats look so slow,
but who is the Captain, maybe we’ll never know!

---

Thursday 31st January 2008
Today in the Vale traffic is slow,
the reason we just don't know,
everyone's just watching their speed.
There are no roadworks, snow or ice,
for some reason people are just nice,
driving very carefully indeed.

Drivers are keeping calm and in control,
slowing down at every School patrol,
and keeping both hands on the wheel.
They’re also indicating to turn left or right,
not following inches behind your brake light,
and they're not driving whilst eating a meal!

---

Friday 1st February 2008
This weekend the weather will be dry,
a little warmer with the lots of blue sky,
but late on Sunday we can expect rain.
There will be high winds from the East,
we can expect 4 inches of rain at least,
with more flood warnings again.

So wrap up and move things from your cellar,
if you plan to go out then take an umbrella,
and it might be good to dig out your wellies.
Move your valuable goods to the second floor,
keep some spare sandbags by the front door,
and listen to your radios and tellies.

Monday 21st January 2008
We're still on high alert,
but nobody's been hurt,
we’ve been very lucky so far.

Water levels are dropping,
the rain is nearly stopping,
and it's ok to travel by car.

If there are no more rains,
they're going to run the trains,
and maybe later open the port.

News from an amateur reporter,
there not one home under water,
but this is an unconfirmed report.

---

Tuesday 22nd January 2008
Winter ski show at Roquefort House
At this years ski show there's lots to see and do,
in one competition they have to build a big igloo.

There are clowns that are very funny,
and shops for you to spend your money.

There's slalom if you've got skill,
for the brave you can ski downhill.

For the graceful try your hand at ice skating,
but it's popular so you may end up waiting.

If you're fit then get on your snowboard,
with so many options you'll never get bored.

If you don't feel energetic you can take a ski lift,
and grab a table in the café and let your life drift.

Tickets are on sale from your local town hall,
it opens Friday with the Wensleydale Winter Ball

---

Wednesday 22nd January 2008
Around the village of Roquefort,
you can still see wild boar,
but there numbers are getting less and less.
So to protect there habitat,
I'm pleased to announce that,
the Duke's building a sanctuary at his address.

And to protect the wild boar,
we're changing the law,
It'll be illegal to hunt them or trap.
With the protection of a fence,
and this new law and offence,
they’ll hopefully not be wiped off the map.

---

Thursday 24^th January 2008
I'm pleased to be able to report,
that we've had a lot of support,
for the Sanctuary and this new law.
A lot of money has been donated,
some are asking why we waited,
and why haven't we done this before.

We've collected over 4,000 pounds,
which will help build new compounds,
and give the boar somewhere secure.
They can come and go as they please,
roam in the fields, play in the trees,
and can eat, sleep and live like before.

---

Friday 25th January 2008
The Wensleydale winter ball
Tonight is the Wensleydale winter ball,
hosted in beautiful old Roquefort hall,
the evening is bound to be a success.
It's a spectacle you just have to see,
with all the money going to charity,
Men in a tuxedo, women in a long dress,

There's food from New Zealand to Africa,
there's every type of drink in 20 foot bar,
and music to suit every kind of taste.
On arrival women will be given flowers,
there'll be dancing until the small hours,
so grab your special one by the waist.

Monday 14th January 2008
The missing Cheese.

Please, please, please,
help us find our missing cheese,
she's disappeared and can't be found.
She was in the park,
we have to find her before it’s dark,
she was playing there and running around.

Bobby Blue is leading the search,
his office is in the Church,
the number there is 222322,
If you can help please call,
or come down to the Church hall,
anything at all that you can do.

---

Tuesday 15th January 2008
Monteray Jack hunts the missing cheese down

Using jungle war techniques,
he found her in hours not weeks,
she'd tripped and fallen into a hole.
He tracked her from her smell,
which had changed when she fell,
she was buried in dirt like a mole.

She had a big bump on her head,
covered in blood, sticky and red,
but the cut, it wasn't very deep.
As she went into the crowd,
they began to cheer very loud,
and many of them, began to weep.

The news quickly spread around,
the missing cheese had been found,
and Monteray Jack was called a hero.
The rescue was gossip of the day,
there was reward money to pay,
but Monteray Jack wanted zero! 

---

Wednesday 16th January 2008

It's the warmest January in 200 years,
confirming everyone's worst fears,
that global warming is very real.
The Vale’s changing, the weather’s weird,
this is something that should be feared,
it is by the homeless Polar bears and seals.

Their world is melting every day,
less room to live, hunt and play,
many of them fighting to survive.
Once there were hundreds in the sea,
now they’re down to just seventy three
and four years ago they used to thrive.

---

Thursday 17th January 2008

It's been raining for 8 hours,
pouring down not showers,
and the river Rind is rising fast.

It's very close to overflowing,
and there's no real way of knowing,
how long this weather will last.

Parts of the river are being diverted,
people in danger are being alerted,
and 1 million bags of sand are ready.

So stay tuned and listen to the news,
for regular info and our experts views,
don’t panic, stay calm and take it steady.

---

Friday 18th January 2008
There has been no major flood,
just a lot of soggy soil and mud,
everyone is very, very relieved.

Water levels are dropping,
the rain is finally stopping,
if the forecast can be believed.