The Comical Compendium of Credit Crunch Jargon
- By Charlie Cheshire
- Published Sunday 2nd 2008
Charlie Cheshire
I am the editor of the Wensleydale Gazette. I am 35 yrs old, married to Christine and have a daughter called Carly. I live in Wensleydale Well.
The comical compendium of credit crunch jargon is a humorous look at alternative financial terms as a result of the Credit Crunch Crisis. The book contains over 100 pages in A to Z format with the real meaning and an alternative humorous meaning - Just what the doctor ordered and guaranteed to give you a giggle.
Available as an ebook HERE for just £4.95 (immediate download available)
(Hard copy to follow in 2 weeks)
Here are some examples from the book
Baby bond
A bond with a maturity or face value of less than a certain amount
Alternative meaning
An investment that will grow to be a pain for the next twenty years and ends up costing you more and more
Due diligence
The internal audit of a target firm by the acquiring firm
Alternative meaning
Diligence that was due but arrived too late
Flip side
In the context of general equities it is the opposite side to a proposition or position (to buy if sell is the proposition and vice versa)
Alternative meaning
When the only alternative or option is to work in a burger bar
Gross earnings
A person's total taxable income prior to adjustments
Alternative meaning
The generic name given to executive salaries, incomes and bonuses
Hedge fund
A fund that employs a variety of techniques to enhance returns, such as both buying and shorting stocks, according to a valuation model
Alternative meaning
A fund where the value of its assets are worth less than the gardens and plants of the investors within the fund
Junk bond
Junk or high-yield bonds that offer investors higher yields than bonds of more financially sound companies
Alternative meaning
A bond whose average return is flat like the bottom of the Chinese boat with that same name
LIBOR
Alternative meaning
Ludicrous Interest Banks Ordinarily Request
Market jitters
When a particular financial market becomes nervous about the current situation and often responds wildly to the smallest changes in sentiment
Alternative meaning
An investment condition where ones needs to visit the toilet on a frequent basis
Mystery shopper
A person hired by a market research firm or a manufacturer to visit retail stores, posing as a casual shopper to collect information
Alternative meaning
That hard to get customer during a recession
Par
The nominal or face value printed on a security
Alternative meaning
The act of leaving work early to play golf
Relative value
The attractiveness measured in terms of risk, liquidity and return of one instrument relative to another
Alternative meaning
The assets and future income available from parents and relatives
Stakeholders
All parties that have an interest, financial or otherwise, in a project or company
Alternative meaning
Groups of shareholders with wooden stakes in their hands who are out to get the blood sucking financial vampires who took their money
Stripped bond
Bond that can be subdivided into a series of zero coupon bonds
Alternative meaning
Assets that are invested in adult clubs and bars
Taxable event
An event or transaction that has a tax consequence, such as the sale of an asset that is subject to capital gains taxes
Alternative meaning
Everything that you do from the moment you wake up in the morning
Ex dividend (XD)
The stock is trading with no dividend
Alternative meaning
The money that is agreed and paid to an ex partner or spouse in settlement of a relationship dispute
You can purchase this 100 page book here
Copyright Derek Owen 2008
