Cheese people news W/C 15th October 2007
- By Charlie Cheshire
- Published Monday 15th 2007
Charlie Cheshire
I am the editor of the Wensleydale Gazette. I am 35 yrs old, married to Christine and have a daughter called Carly. I live in Wensleydale Well.
Monday 15th October 2007.
Today we report on the findings from the ECOC.
It says in the report,
that killing Bananas is not a sport,
but on this occasion it was the right thing to do.
They were cold and wet,
and in the opinion of the fruit vet,
most of them were turning black and blue.
Half of the bananas were becoming straight,
and it was right not to wait,
for the rest of them to end up this way.
Many had gone insane,
all were in much pain,
and it was right to get rid of them that day.
However a minor crime had been committed,
because the right papers were not submitted,
and the Vale would have to pay a fine.
In future we must tell the Cheese Commission,
and get their full permission,
otherwise things will be a lot more serious next time!
At the end of the day, we did the right thing, just in the wrong way.
Tuesday 16th October 2007.
Today Ted Leicester of the local council, the Wendsledale Cheese Board had the following to say about Monday's ECOC report.
"I fully support what the Cheese Commission have said,
and I'm very sad that 7,000 Bananas are dead.
The bananas were suffering,
running out of time
and as Council Leader the decision was all mine.
I think I made the right one,
and I'm sorry for this fine,
but if people disagree with me, I'm happy to resign.
It is important that the Vale is behind me,
and understand the reasons for my choice,
I need to know that I have your support,
because my job is to be your voice.
There will be a poll tomorrow from between 10 and 4, and I want all the opinions I can get,
you can vote at my office, use the phone, or can complete a simple form on the net.
The votes will be counted, like they are in an election, and the results will be ready by nine.
and if over 50% of the Vale, think I made the wrong decision, I'll apologise and simply resign."
Wednesday 17th October 2007.
Please remember that today is polling day,
so make your vote count and have your say.
There was a break in at the Wendsledale Gazette,
we're not sure what's missing yet,
but a lot of photographs were taken.
Nobody was hurt,
there's a lot of mess and dirt,
and four of the cleaners are badly shaken.
It happened between midnight and 7,
so if you saw anything please call 474711.
"It's been some time, since we've had such a serious crime",
said Sergeant String in charge of the investigation.
"I have an open mind, to what I might,
find but I'm suspicious that it’s the work of the Pickle nation".
He's looking for clues,
things he can use,
to find out who may have got in.
And he's searching all the floors,
the cupboards and drawers,
and has even emptied the dustbin.
Thursday 18th October 2007.
We have the final result from the poll yesterday.
The votes have been counted and 98% of voters support Ted, who said,
"After the ECOC report, I'm delighted by your support,
and I'd like to thank everyone who worked and voted last night.
Knowing you're all by my side, fills me with a great sense of pride,
and I feel confident I can continue the fight".
"It's people that count, and there's no amount, of paperwork that should get in the way,
and to remember those who died, it gives me great pride, to make the 3rd October a national holiday".
In response to this, the ECOC have made the following announcement.
“The money from the fine, will be donated to the construction of a Banana Remembrance statue and shrine."
Friday 19th October 2007.
A tribute to Karina Znamirowska for her official paintings of wendsledale vale.
Her name is Karina, and you have to see her,
to appreciate the way she paints and draws.
And if you have any of her art, keep it close to your heart,
and make sure it's kept securely indoors.
She paints from inside, and is unable to hide,
the truth of what's actually there.
A lamp, a tramp, or maybe a rare stamp,
everything's exact to the last hair.
She paints scenes that are sunny, cloudy or funny,
scenes with people, pets or a tree.
Scenes with lakes and rivers, cold people with shivers,
and she'll never just paint for the fee.
So from our hearts to our rind, she’s one of a kind,
to paint for us this celebration of our lives.
Its hung on the wall, in the main chamber hall,
and we've decided to award her the Noble Cheese Prize.
Today we report on the findings from the ECOC.
It says in the report,
that killing Bananas is not a sport,
but on this occasion it was the right thing to do.
They were cold and wet,
and in the opinion of the fruit vet,
most of them were turning black and blue.
Half of the bananas were becoming straight,
and it was right not to wait,
for the rest of them to end up this way.
Many had gone insane,
all were in much pain,
and it was right to get rid of them that day.
However a minor crime had been committed,
because the right papers were not submitted,
and the Vale would have to pay a fine.
In future we must tell the Cheese Commission,
and get their full permission,
otherwise things will be a lot more serious next time!
At the end of the day, we did the right thing, just in the wrong way.
Tuesday 16th October 2007.
Today Ted Leicester of the local council, the Wendsledale Cheese Board had the following to say about Monday's ECOC report.
"I fully support what the Cheese Commission have said,
and I'm very sad that 7,000 Bananas are dead.
The bananas were suffering,
running out of time
and as Council Leader the decision was all mine.
I think I made the right one,
and I'm sorry for this fine,
but if people disagree with me, I'm happy to resign.
It is important that the Vale is behind me,
and understand the reasons for my choice,
I need to know that I have your support,
because my job is to be your voice.
There will be a poll tomorrow from between 10 and 4, and I want all the opinions I can get,
you can vote at my office, use the phone, or can complete a simple form on the net.
The votes will be counted, like they are in an election, and the results will be ready by nine.
and if over 50% of the Vale, think I made the wrong decision, I'll apologise and simply resign."
Wednesday 17th October 2007.
Please remember that today is polling day,
so make your vote count and have your say.
There was a break in at the Wendsledale Gazette,
we're not sure what's missing yet,
but a lot of photographs were taken.
Nobody was hurt,
there's a lot of mess and dirt,
and four of the cleaners are badly shaken.
It happened between midnight and 7,
so if you saw anything please call 474711.
"It's been some time, since we've had such a serious crime",
said Sergeant String in charge of the investigation.
"I have an open mind, to what I might,
find but I'm suspicious that it’s the work of the Pickle nation".
He's looking for clues,
things he can use,
to find out who may have got in.
And he's searching all the floors,
the cupboards and drawers,
and has even emptied the dustbin.
Thursday 18th October 2007.
We have the final result from the poll yesterday.
The votes have been counted and 98% of voters support Ted, who said,
"After the ECOC report, I'm delighted by your support,
and I'd like to thank everyone who worked and voted last night.
Knowing you're all by my side, fills me with a great sense of pride,
and I feel confident I can continue the fight".
"It's people that count, and there's no amount, of paperwork that should get in the way,
and to remember those who died, it gives me great pride, to make the 3rd October a national holiday".
In response to this, the ECOC have made the following announcement.
“The money from the fine, will be donated to the construction of a Banana Remembrance statue and shrine."
Friday 19th October 2007.
A tribute to Karina Znamirowska for her official paintings of wendsledale vale.
Her name is Karina, and you have to see her,
to appreciate the way she paints and draws.
And if you have any of her art, keep it close to your heart,
and make sure it's kept securely indoors.
She paints from inside, and is unable to hide,
the truth of what's actually there.
A lamp, a tramp, or maybe a rare stamp,
everything's exact to the last hair.
She paints scenes that are sunny, cloudy or funny,
scenes with people, pets or a tree.
Scenes with lakes and rivers, cold people with shivers,
and she'll never just paint for the fee.
So from our hearts to our rind, she’s one of a kind,
to paint for us this celebration of our lives.
Its hung on the wall, in the main chamber hall,
and we've decided to award her the Noble Cheese Prize.
